Teens Caught Red-Handed Spray Painting Boobs on Civil War Memorial

Two teens were arrested by police early Thursday morning defacing the 114-year-old Soldiers' and Sailors' Civil War Memorial Monument in Manhattan's Upper West Side. The teens, the New York Post reports, spray painted "doodles, tag names, crude happy and sad faces" on the monument. Also: boobs. » 8/29/14 12:10pm Friday 12:10pm

Meanwhile, Jenna Bush Hager has had her job ("gig?" "hobby?" "activity?") on the Today Show since 2009. Every segment I've caught has just been her interviewing her parents or making fun of her parents or making her parents do something dumb on TV so she can talk to them and make fun of them some more. » 8/29/14 11:55am Friday 11:55am

Ft. Hood Shooter Nidal Hasan Pens Letter Asking to Join ISIS

Nidal Hasan, the Army psychiatrist who was convicted of murdering 13 people in the 2009 shooting at Fort Hood, has written a letter to ISIS leader Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi requesting his acceptance into the group's self-declared caliphate. "I formally and humbly request to be made a citizen of the Islamic State," Hasan… » 8/29/14 8:07am Friday 8:07am

Watch the Trailer for Jon Stewart's Directorial Debut

The movie Jon Stewart took off from the Daily Show to direct last summer, Rosewater, is out this November, right at the kickoff of awards flick season. Has Jon Stewart made the kind of high-minded prestige film destined for Oscar greatness? Maybe! The first trailer certainly positions the movie to be more serious than… » 8/28/14 3:00pm Thursday 3:00pm

Brother and Sister Arrested for Fucking in Church Parking Lot

Christopher Buckner, 20, and her half-brother, Timothy Savoy, 25, were arrested by Effingham County, Ga. police after they admitted to having had sex three times in a tractor trailer parked outside of a church. The two apparently told the officer that they decided to have sex after watching The Notebook. » 8/28/14 2:30pm Thursday 2:30pm

Invasion Fears Spread as Thousands of Russian Troops Move Into Ukraine

The leader of the pro-Russian separatists warring with Ukrainian forces in the country's southeastern border has claimed that thousands of Russian military are supporting their offensive. "There have been around 3,000-4,000 of them in our ranks," separatist leader and Donetsk People's Republic Prime Minister… » 8/28/14 8:37am Thursday 8:37am

White Privilege Doesn't Exist, Says Noted Privileged White Man

Oh boy. We've long been aware that there is no room for irony in the vacuum of cable news, but Bill O'Reilly's segment last night on White Privilege™ was really something special. It doesn't exist, the man says! A lie perpetrated by a society of humans too goddamn lazy to overcome the disadvantages they are born… » 8/27/14 5:09pm Wednesday 5:09pm

Police Mistake Black Producer in Town for Emmys as Bank Robber

Producer Charles Belk was held by Beverly Hills police for nearly six hours last Friday after police mistook him for another bald, black man—one who robbed a Citibank. Belk, visiting for Emmys, was on his way to put money in his parking meter when he was detained and hauled off to a police station. » 8/27/14 11:37am Wednesday 11:37am

Zara Yanks Its Holocaust-for-Kids "Sheriff" Shirt from Store

Spanish clothing retailer Zara was selling a blue-and-white-striped shirt with a six-pointed star over the left side of the chest that read "SHERIFF." The shirt, the store says, was intended for children aged three months to three years. Except, zoomed out on their website, the shirt looks a lot like...a concentration… » 8/27/14 7:38am Wednesday 7:38am

Attention Tennis Players: Alec Baldwin Will Catch Your Stray Balls

Alec Baldwin, former celebrity still involved in things only famous people get to do, attended the U.S. Open match between Maria Sharapova and Maria Kirilenko last night and when a stray ball went flying into the stands, he calmly reached out and caught it. It was no big deal. "I don't play tennis well, but I can… » 8/26/14 3:50pm 8/26/14 3:50pm

CBS Embroiled in NCIS Farting Hippo Puppet Lawsuit

If you are unfamiliar with "Bert the Farting Hippo," then just ask your dad: it's a recurring prop on his favorite CBS procedural, NCIS. The makers of the plush hippo that makes farting noises and costs $45 are suing the network and Delivery Agent Inc., the company that operates their online store, for alleged… » 8/26/14 2:58pm 8/26/14 2:58pm

Horse and Buggy Robbed by Masked Gunmen

A group of Amish riding in a horse and buggy along a East Lampeter Township, Penn. road were robbed at gunpoint by a man in a mask. The robber apparently drove up to the horse and buggy in a white minivan, swerving into the buggy's lane to force it to stop, got out, and demanded the wallets of all three people inside. » 8/26/14 1:50pm 8/26/14 1:50pm

Everything You Need to Have Seen From Last Night's Emmys

Did you watch the Emmys last night? No? Good for you! They were kind of boring. And weird. Breaking Bad cleaned up for its final season and most of the shows you wanted to win (Game of Thrones, Orange is the New Black, True Detective) were shut out. Here's everything you missed: » 8/26/14 12:10am 8/26/14 12:10am